Chocolotomyit hurts so bad when you have to stop.
ConcucombineEnjoy the harvest!
Concucucumber1.5 times better than Cu-cu-ru-cu-cu Paloma.
Curler's LamentNot enough weight, too much ice. (A kind of
catch 22, with more weight, the sweepers could wait longer, then the
rock would curl more.
I didn't invent the concept, only the title.)
Cyclosporranimmuno-suppressant delivered on bicycle by a man
in a kilt.
(fuyara)three
seagulls wearing mufflers in an echo chamber.
GlasshopperDisciple of the
Drunken Master.
Gluttotonytoo fondly foodly.
Goober &Uber GruberA sinus cold prostrates Hitler.
Haggasizthe capital of Scottish Columbia (see
Hermit's Health HintsAn onion a day keeps the doctor away.
For everybody else, there's garlic.
Hog Dockeythe pedigree of pigs.
Honour Among ProfessionalsIt is better that a question be
asked a thousand times with a thousand answers, than asked once with
one answer.
Javelina precision medical instrument.
Klutzpahbobbles R us.
Kokanee-wallahA dipso
Sasquatch.
LawyerGuy you pay, not to lay, a wager.
LaveritisThe need to escape through a washroom. [E]
LossamadhiToo far under to fail.
When the little guy goes
into debt, it's tough.
But when there's a really spectacular
failure, sometimes they pay the bankruptee a salary to act as a
consultant about his insolvent businesses.
In the 21st century,
raised to an art form in NYC.
Memorablooeeeasomething to remember it by.
Mental fragmentswhen your doctor reacts to a scraped knee by
offering a referral to a psychiatrist.
Mil GraciasA thousand thanks (in Spanish).
Grind me some
coffee (in an unknown language).
MisteakFaggots masquerading as tropical hardwood.
MoosetakeKidnapping a large ungulate.
MoostakeWhen your car gets pulled over by the Livestock
Inspector. [E]
MoosteakWhen your cow gets pulled over by the Chef Inspector.
Mootualcow-to-cow.
MythsonianAin'thropology.
Numb Nips(when your lady puts Oil of Oregano on her face)
what she gets when you kiss her back.
Nunglingbetween numb and tingling, at the dentist's. [E]
Nushpush in.
Obliteratidrunken poets and novelists.
Somebody must have
invented this a hundred years ago.
I'm afraid to look.
OptimistSomeone who takes the No out of Normal.
RalmA cockeyed optimist (Apologies to
South Pacific)
occimoronmoron that is a pain in the neck.
hydroxymoron [V]
moronatethe same fool, dry.
the unbearable
9112If I had your problems, I'd phone 911, too.
Notionpasses through the mind without leaving a forwarding
Noxideharmful substance.
Partial Recallmovie which shows why people aged over 40 talk
like Yoda.
Paul PotPeter Pan's evil twin. [V]
PerkoyEdith Prickley's illegible husband.
Pesticle[E]
Phobosseursomeone who looks like he knows what he's afraid
Pictly sstreakingnaked Scottish sprinter. [V]
Ping Pong PainBouncing between the extremities of a dilemma,
for example You can't live with 'em, and you can't live without
Pistulentyellow and viscous.
Pootualdog-to-dog.
Pricnica stolen meal among the brambles.
Procrastina time-release drug.
Procrastimateto marry after 40.
Procrasamadhithe state of Un-doing.
Procresamadhihaving so many children that you don't have to
care for them.
Procrastinirvanawhere the person who dies with the greatest
number of unfinished projects wins.
Pultpull toward you.
Purportedcat that teaches Transcendental Meditation.
Pusstulentcat that transcends the badinage.
Retrobateold bucker who argues bagwards.
somebody who eats a lot of .
Salsequaljust as good at making salsa.
Salsequelthe last grain of salt.
Salsasequiturthe next bowl of salsa.
Sesquisalsasequiturwhat happens when you eat a bowl and a
Satormythe cloudless eye of the hurricane.
Self-exterminationself-determination + nuclear technology.
Self-extraminationdeath from overwork.
Selloonwatering-place for marketers.
SexlaxY'all come back now, hear!
Shot to HullNot just the mindless substitution of a different
vowel to confound filters, but the fate of Hull, Qu&bec, which
disappeared in a referendum, and became Gatineau (or part of it).
Simul fodderIn chess, a rating difference of 750 or more
points, so that the higher rated player has an overwhelming
superiority (15 to 1 result expectation or better) whether the game
is played one-on-one tournament style, or in a simultaneous
exhibition.
Stephenhen by marriage [V].
Stuporvisor [E]barely living proof of
the Peter Principle as it applies to zombies.
Sun BlaInterplanetary ble-bop.
TaurotesticulargiganteumThe biggest yanker of chain.
Tequila Mockingbirdwhen Malcolm Lowry met Harper Lee [E].
After adding this one, I did a web search.
Tch tch, I should never
It is the name of a rock group.
Teslasteronehormone which promotes complete belief in one's
own inventions.
Theothanatologya word that never needs to be spoonerized.
fact, it is what philosophers advance when they stroke their
bowdlerize about whether
Tit BullSomeone so useless, he's dangerous.
Tomatalzheimerswhen you prepare three dishes for dinner and
they are all based on tomatoes.
Travelling musicCiao B&la Bart&k.
TsnownamiAnother Canadian Winter.
UltrasconeDevice to measure how much Tea one can eat. [E, J]
Ulyanolinthe lotion that made Lenin look like a dictator,
even after he had been dead for 65 years.
Incidentally, in a
Soviet-era dictionary, the word kommunizm (communism) was held
to have no plural.
Politics &ber linguistics.
especially funny in Canada, where we had one Liberal Party, one
Conservative Party, but as many as four Communist Parties (Albanian,
Chinese, Russian, Trotsky-ite).
How many communisms would you like,
Will that be on noodles, rice, rye, or black bread?
Unionizingalmost as good as gurlicification.
Vagionthe Yin particle. [E, J]
Vagispherearea of much Yin. [E, J]
Vagosphereplace where not much happens.
Volundairyplace where any cow can give milk.
Yummy mummyDelicious Egyptian preserve.
ZombiegovernariatA governing body that prefers deep sleep.
The polar opposite of lumpenproletariat, which is the soccer
hooligan facet of societal change.
Words that Aren't Words in Your Favourite Word Game
dinaridinar is a coin or currency in some languages,
which might pluralize it dinari.
However, this complaint is a
bit of a red herring, as I was probably thinking of the Roman
denarius coin, whose plural is denarii.
hiv(e)yworking together, and maybe dangerous.
locutelocution, but not locute nor elocute.
muxfor multiplex.
They allow tux for tuxedo...?
repruneThe novices had done such a bad job that he had to
reprune the orchard.
taser, tasing
He revented the dangerous motor, but still couldn't sell his boat
because it was sinky.
Raucous Rock Group Names
Anais Ninja Turtles
Aristotle, Socrates, Playdough
Bawdy Armour
Breakfast Nookie
Buena Vista Antisocial ClubA tropical forest where the
musicians lie around in hammocks and sing to themselves.
This might
actually exist: I found three hits, but they were all in Norwegian.
Chernobyl Volesmutant
Chicken Boob
Come Mr. Taliban, Tally Me Bananas
Cur-mudge-on Island
Death Overkill
Delft Wellies [E]
Dick Canary & The Bicycle Pedias [E+J]
Dirty Hoerscountry band
Dislocuted Joint
Dog LatinA group of this name actually existed.
I remember
hearing it on late night CBC.
Also mentioned was a name Christopher
I really liked the music.
Can somebody help?
Dogurundi Kanagunaipuppy sushi
Dra Wing [E]
Dyslyxion Aerieup and away
Enema of the State
Face BootMetal and unsocial
Fart JulepI don't know why this makes me LOL.
Father Theresa
Flatulent Penguinthough it doesn't change the smell
Glab Doglipscanine version of Blue Rodeo
God Himself
Half Gospel
Hitler's Sisters
Ice Hockney The Art of Blue
I Was Asleep
Laugh Coach
Lyserg HassidicPlay on LSD
Mad Rapper of Rat River
Mahatma Candy
Meatballs of Revolutionwhat you got when Phil Ochs met the
Swedish Chef.
Melmac Girls
Meth Odds [E]
No Time for Dolmades
Oedipus Tex-Mex
Placebo Suppository
Plaid OutScottish, not tired
Praise Juices, Find Salivation
Public Enema
Sheriff Taser
Split Again [E]
Suicide Wasps
SyKoTiQ PiJuN A roc group that struts
Systematic Death
Systematic Death Overkill
Third Coming of Christ
Value Village People
Vegetarian Cannibals
Delivered in a Churchillian voice: Never / in the annals / of
human laziness / has so little / been accomplished / in the company /
of so much complaint. / This day / will live / in infamy / so long /
as free men / in their derision / have breath / to bellow / a
laugh.After not doing much for a long long time, I put in a
5-hour day of work.
Old knuckleballers never die, they just float away.
Old chessplayers never die, they just spend forever contemplating
the next move. [E]
My one-line Hungarian poem, using three words and a
surname:S&r, Bor, Bor, P&linka, S&r,
P&linka, Bor, S&r, P&linka,
Alf&ldi.S& B P&linka is
(apricot brandy) Alf&ldi is the name of a porcelain
(toilet) manufacturer.
Don't talk about buses in Hungary. The more you talk about them,
the further away they get.
The more you talk about them, the less
people want to talk to you.
Tiny Nudge is an oxymoron in Anglo-Hungarian.
(pronounced something like nudge) means great in Hungarian.
So the Hungarian leader Imre Nagy was Big Jim.
What do you get when you de-Magyarize a mad cow?
Jakob Creutzfeld.
Sign in CowdalePlease step carefully.The actual sign in
Cowdale, near Buxton, Derbyshire, England, was Please drive
carefully.
by Don Ross, a travelling song for a mode of
transport that has not yet been invented.
Margaret Sitwood, Edith Satwell.
A dual punchline waiting for a
setup about poets and posture.
Maybe Edith's death anagrammatically
took the poet's UR out of posture.
Yeah, sure, I'm confused.
Did you know how the most famous Austrian song lyric got composed?
Richard Rogers was having breakfast and when he went to put milk on
his cereal, he heard a distant pop.
That inspired the lyric: The
Hills are Alive with the Sound of M&esli.
It got changed by
Oscar Hammerstein II, who as lyricist was jealous of his partner's
inspiration. [E and J].
Why do they call eyeglasses specs?
Because people who wear them don't notice the specks. [E]
Did you know that dogs can time travel?
That's how they can pee
so much when you take them for a walk.
They travel ahead in time
(that's why it is so difficult to get their attention) to the next
bowl of water.
Lemon tree very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet
But the lemon-flavoured snow cone is impossible to eat.
A lyric that just burst upon us like springtime as we were walking
Caesar after the big snow storm.
Same old dam thing.Walking the dog at Colliery Dam Park for
the umpteenth day in a row. [E]
Scandinavians love their pets.
In Sweden, every day is dog
What is our dog's favourite book of the Bible?
Saint Mark.
The opera about the Queen and her favourite dog: Corgi and
Just look at that! These people just let their dogs do
I wish the City would enfoce the $1000 fine.
Let she who is without shin scat the first scone.
Call Confuse-a-Dog. That's A-DOG-CONFUSE on your totaly
rerephone.
I have an emergency.
I'm too walked to dog the
This is 911.
What is your emergency? Woof!
I have an emergency.
I'm too bucked to scatter the
This is 911.
What is your emergency? Um, if you guys don't
show up in 5 hours, is the pizza free?
Dolph-in, tern-on, tuna-outThe wildlife wisdom of Dr. Timothy
In 2009, forty years from now, half the freaks smoking dope will
be fascists.
[this might be a quote]
Why is there no Society to Prevent Vandalism?
Because they have
only one Vandal.
A friend saw this happen: three young women, dressed to the nines,
were outside a club, in varying states of drunkenness.
Suddenly, one
of the girls punched one of the others in the face, and she fell to
the pavement. [The foregoing leads up to the punch line, but it is
also all true.]
Why the punch?The second girl was wearing
deck me shoes.
Cleanliness
ches' is next to my heart. [J+E]
What's so wonderful about chess is that it's like a soap opera.
You can set back the position and start again.
Except that in a
chess game, the acting is better. [E+J]
Are you scared?
No, I'm not scared.
I'm past scared.
putrified.
Thirty percent less ratThan where you're at.
An optimistic tourism slogan for a clean but dull destination.
White Mandarins Can't Jump
The latest racial slur in the world of international sports
It doesn't work.
They said I'd win at Scrabble if I kept
Only if you are Saddam Hussein. (cf: oil for food
What do you get when you add Bush to Bill Clinton?
Bullshi*. (rearranging the letters of the principals).
Apr&s moi, le d&luge!
In high school they told us that Louis XV made the remark when
asked about the future of France after his death.
this indicates that it was Madame Pompadour's.
Women are better
with words, eh?
It was the caption for a cartoon I never did (can't
draw) of Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Eliot Trudeau back-to-back
with an elephant.
If you like, you could write the word
Patronage on the elephant.
What did the Quebec Premier become, one day before the
transfer of power to the new Premier?
A 24-hour Landry.
Why do Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday in
Because by late November the turkey, and most everything else, is
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that sting.
Talking up spicy foods.
Groundless suspicion makes your bum look fat.
So far the pickings are
A hungry person entering a vegetarian restaurant might say:
Man, am I ever hungry! [Bollie]
I hope they have fish. [Chris Danko]
I could eat a mock horse. [J]
My kingdom for a rutabaga. [E]
In the Tchaikovsky competition, what were the similarities between
Klimov and Van Cliburn?
1. Names had same first syllables2. Neither knew how to play
the violin. [Old Russian joke, as told by V.
We all know that Van
Cliburn was a piano prodigy, but Klimov really was a violinist.
joke was a remark on the quality of the judging.]
What do you say when superheroes meet one of those heavy spiked
rollers used to break up old highways?
Holy Flatman and Ribbon! [Chris Danko]
Pale expression of a great idea is when the printer ribbon breaks.
If Life is like drawing without an eraser, then what is like
erasing without a drawer?
Nothing is like ... [V]
Water is t Dynamite is the universal
What were the similarities between General Kutuzov (Napoleon) and
President Nasser (6-Day War)?
Each lured the enemy into the depths of his land and awaited the
frosts. [Old Russian joke as related by V]
It's so foggy, I can't see my hand in front of my eyes,
said the blind man, waving at the pretty girl across the street.
Which part of the brain controls mating behaviour? The
Parental Lobe.
To have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for
poorer, in sickness and in health, un unless I
get a better offer.
Learn to Mate.The catch-line of a spectacularly unsuccessful
campaign for the chess club at Sentinel Secondary School, West
Vancouver, circa 1966.
The Evolution of Love: from Kama Sutra to Kamikaze
A book title destined for oblivion.
Cooking Better with Hate
A book you won't see any time soon. Maybe it should be the name of
a rock group.
This is the moment when I take off my glasses to reveal my blue
A tingle shoots down your spine. We clasp hands and melt into
each other's arms, oblivious to the plate of squid and bean thread
noodles oozing between us.
Ill-starred romances
Romeo and Draculiet
You get more peas on your fork with honey [E] ...than with
I'd rather be horking
An unsuccessful T-shirt campaign.
Buzzing like a fly at the windowsill [E].
Why do New York pedestrians cross against a red light ?
To avoid being trampled.
Chelsea the Cat is on 22/7.
That's 22 hours of sleep, 7 days a week. In Memory of Chelsea,
How did the Mexican cat reply when the local townspeople thanked
her for cleaning out the local rat population ?
El placer es meow.
Why is most of the avocado crop from the Mexican state of
Michoacan, of the Hass variety?
The letter h is silent in Spanish.
Where does a lion go to get his hair cut?
A maneicurist.
What new thorn do you have for my crown? [V]
A scare of peas, bomplete with coots. [V]
Why would anybody bother? Department.
Within walking distance of Costco.--seen in a home real
estate ad.
Meet Somebody Real--seen in email spam.
Avril Lavigne topless--seen in a newsgroup spam.
have died of e-coli.
web-butler
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